mistakes were made

I really hope I'm not stepping on anyone's toes here by saying this, as I'm not entirely sure whether or not I have the right, which probably means I don't, doesn't it? This is also not a plea for sympathy or anything. I will accept whatever condolences you have, but that's not the reason why I'm doing this.

My grandma passed away a few days ago. I'm only saying this to provide context for the rest of this post, and a bit to honour her memory. She was 88. She died peacefully. It wasn't really a surprise, at least not for me. It's still shocking and disturbing, but we knew it was coming.

You know, I actually had this big thing prepared, talking about Kurt Vonnegut and Buddhist teachings and the such, but it seems like that'd be evading the whole thing even more. And it's like that's what I've learned in the past few days: the thing about life is that it ends. And there's nothing you can really do about that.

I mean, really, life isn't all that precious, and it's not all that short, either. I mean, we live until we die. If we say it's precious, or that it's short, if we try to safeguard or prioritize our time like that, then I don't know, it seems like you'd just miss out. I'm starting to consider all experiences equal. It started with thinking about how every book contains the same amount of knowledge, more or less. I mean, I think that spending a day looking at a flower and a day walking through a field of flowers will still amount to the same amount of flower looked at. We say life is short, and we say that almost as an excuse not to take a long time to do anything.

I don't even know where I'm going with this, my head's in a million places right now, except that's not even all that true. I'm really tired, and I have to work again tomorrow.

I don't want to sleep, but I know I'm going to have to.

It's probably a mistake to post this.

Probably a lot of things are mistakes.

I'm not sure whether or not I should try to avoid making mistakes, or if I should just go with them, and see where I end up once the smoke clears.

I always liked surprises.