i'm going to sit at my typewriter and try to make some sense or at least some beauty

I'm not entirely sure what I mean by this, but there seems to be an imbalance.

or maybe there's just a new balance i have to get used to.

i mean, god, there's tsunamis and revolutions and tuition increases and super moons and love and madness all around and i don't especially know how to deal with it all. so many people are going around saying what's best or what needs to be done or what is happening but none of it makes sense.

the tilt of the earth is off now. and that's not a hyperbolic metaphorical statement, it's what's fucking happening. i don't know how to deal with that.

kerouac said in the subterraneans, which i'm reading on and off right now, that everything is so goddamn messed up that you can never really examine the why of anything, it's lunacy to try, all you can do is quantify and qualify the what of it all.

so i guess i'll try to do that.

i'm sitting in my room, on the mattress that makes my bed. there's a pile of unwashed clothes sitting beside me and a super moon in the sky above. i can almost see it out my window but it's not there now, i guess it's just another superhero only there when i need to be rescued. i have to be up early tomorrow. i'm going to church. maybe that's what's making me feel out of whack. i don't go to church, i form churches everywhere i go, where ever i feel a worship coming on i take a second to deify my surroundings and say eleanor roosevolt's war time prayer, but i haven't sat through a worship since october, and i haven't been in a church since the last time. i've never been part of a church growing up. yet tomorrow i'll put on my sunday best and wander off to a church in ndg. notre dame de grace. i guess it's impossible to avoid religion in montreal.

this world doesn't make any goddamn sense and maybe it's about time i get used to that again. i think i used to accept it, but then i thought i understood what was happening under my nose and then i lost it all and i need to embrace it again. i need to learn to embrace the bipolar lover that is this planet spinning on a new axis.

goodnight, sweet princes, you'll be in my dreams.