I am writing this by candlelight. It's an excersise called ecstatic writing. I was at a lost as to how to do this with a macbook until I realized I can in fact turn off the moniter. This is about letting go of how the brain sees the word, and just writing what yoy  want, training your fingers to pound on the keys your fingers want to pound, not your brain, it's about teaching your fingers their own poetry. for this reason, there are a lot of mistakes, as the fingers never really know precisely where they are on the key. they are running completely on muscle memory to let me know if the keys being hit are the keys that'kk say the write wirds words and what are the right words, what are the wrong words any word can communicate just as much as any other any letter means as much as any other and it's weird because all writing is just symbolilism, because what the hell does a letter mean by itself if i use any other letter what would ut do would ut really change everything that much and yes, of course it would but sometimes that just doesn't make any sense to me, like, why does blank mean something completely different than black, or plank? i mean, it's essenitally the same word, andbut just that one little bit is changef and thwa tht ehel does that mean for everything else? what the hell does that mean about me? can my meaning, my being, my essense, change just because of a typo? or am i who i am because of a typo, because when my story was written down someone accidentally wrote down stutter instead of flutter or some other shit like that? and for a long time now i've sarted to see mistakes as not. or i've started to not regret the. because it seems to me that our mistakes are really what makes us who we are and really what carries us through life, it's always what we don't plan, what we can't plan, that determine where we are and if you start to regret the mistakes that bring you where you are then the next logicl step is to regret who you are and i never want to regret who i am becayse if i regret who i am then who am U? if i start to think of my self and my life as soething worthy of regret, then i don't think i could keep on going, i think i'fd just stop and say fuck it and go home. because that's the only response i think wthat would mean anything.