SHITTY MOVIE SHMONDAY

Okay, I was going to do this yesterday so it'd be shitty movie shunday, which is clever-er than whatever I spat up there, but whatever, let's do this. Also I guess it's tuesday but whatever? I don't really care at this point, because I just sat through 2 hours and 38 minutes of... 

2012. 

The main reason I didn't do this yesterday was because the version we have on disc is from, like, a camcorder in a movie theatre and it was all low quality and shaky and man this is a Roland Emmerich film you better goddamn believe I want to see it in high quality. 

I love Roland Emmerich movies. He did The Day After Tomorrow, and Independence Day, and I'm sure some other movies too but I don't really care. Those two movies are sincerely and completely some of my favourites. I think it might be more for Will Smith fighting aliens and Donnie Darko fighting global warming, though. 

I really had high hopes for this one, though. I love Roland Emmerich, I love John Cusack (High Fidelity is one of my all time favourite movies), and I love Chiwetel Ejiofor (he was in Serenity and Love Actually and shut up I like those movies). The problem with it is 2012. 2012 just pisses me off. The whole theory behind it, all the pseudoscience involved, everything. It annoys me, it's just so sensationalistic and stupid and holy shit what does it matter if the world is going to end or change or whatever in 2 years? It's two years away! You don't know where you'll be in 2 years, and if you start to act like the world is going to end then, then guess what? It will, because you'll have no plans, no hopes, nothing beyond that. You can't shape your life around some vague or specific point in the future, you can't just let your life drop off after that. I'm not saying you need plans, but you need something. What'll happen to all these people who believe in 2012 (if these people actually exist, I don't even know if they do still) after 2012? If they're right, then hey, they're dead or changed or whatever and you can't plan for that, and if they're wrong, they have nothing left, they're just dropped off. 

Anyways, 2012 pisses me off. But what really pisses me off is that this could've been a damned good movie if 2012 wasn't a part of it. I know Roland Emmerich movies subsist on pseudo-science, but the amount here could choke a string theorists (I heard string theory isn't a sound theory, I think I heard it from XKCD). And all that could've been avoided if, I don't know, they didn't try to shoehorn in all the 2012 theories. They could've just made some bullshit theory for why the tectonic plates are going crazy, I don't know man, they could've found a reason. Because if the movie was just about that, earthquakes, volcanoes and tsunamis, then it could've been amazing. If they whittled down the beginning, and a bit of the ending, then I would've loved it. The special effects are sometimes a bit obvious, but they are amazing, and there are some amazing scenes of destruction porn in it. L.A. being destroyed (which I thought already happened in The Day After Tomorrow?) was so fuckin' cool and amazing and oh my goodness I loved it so much. 

And I don't know man, I think I like these movies because, really, it's a clean slate. The characters in this movie are given the chance to start over, no matter who they were before hand. Humanity as a whole has a chance to restart, saving only the best of the previous world, and carrying all the knowledge into a bright future on Africa. It's kind of amazing, and it's awesome to think about. And I don't know it seems like one of those escapist fantasies. I mean, I love the world, but fuck it sometimes I would love to take off with only a few books in my bag and maybe some music. There are just the responsibilities and consequences and friends and love holding me in place. But if all of that was destroyed by solar flares or some shit like that, then I'd be free. 

Bottom line for 2012: I like it, but only the middle bit and then select parts of the end.