So, it's 3 in the morning on a weeknight.
What does this mean.
That's right, I thought it'd be an awesome idea to wage war on sleep and drink trois cups of cafe in the wee hours of the morning.
I stand by this decision, I hate sleep. When I close my eyes, I see nothing worth turning my eyes to. All I see is darkness. I don't even like to blink. And it shows. True fact: I am awesome at staring contests. I once stared down a stuffed animal.
Okay, that's a lie, but whatever.
I miss stuffed animals. I miss believing that this little piece of fabric and stuffing was real and I could go on adventures with them. I still remember blasting this Pokemon CD I had, which was full of original songs all about Pokemon and detailing Ash's adventures through the first series, and having a stuffed animal on my shoulder and pretending I was Ash and this stuffed animal (it was a Tabby) was Pikachu, and I'd run around my room that was unreasonably big for a child (it was the entire attic, and yeah I shared it with my brother but he never hung out up there like I did) and pretend that I actually was on the Road to Viridian City. I remember snapping that CD in two when a friend of mine called me out on liking Pokemon, and I was embarrassed and wanted to prove I wasn't that much of a kid. I was a stupid kid. Probably still am.
I don't know man, I miss escaping like that, but I guess I got something good out of living in the real world. For one thing, I got a love for the world.
I'm scared of escaping again, of retreating into books and inspirational people and music and fooling myself into believing that this will be me as soon as I'm done school or more settled or whatever. I'm scared of always putting this off and making excuses and dying in discontent when one summer of living like a gypsy or one year of hopping freights with a typewriter will be enough.
But I guess it wouldn't be enough. And I guess that would just be another escape. I just have figure out what from.
Oh and also if you feel like still asking me a question then go for it. I'll answer them as I get them now, fuck that whole schedule thing.
Oh and also if you feel like still asking me a question then go for it. I'll answer them as I get them now, fuck that whole schedule thing.
1 comments:
I always am waiting for that feeling to return. THe one that turns stuffed animals into wild dreams and simple rooms into adventures. Is it still running this time of year? DId it take a wrong turn? Is there a route change that I am not aware of. Children are so nice and so mean and so illogical. Why does my mind function on logic now? Why aren't the inspirations comming from the void nonsensical and beyond my control? Who will get excited for me and hopeful for me if not myself? Pokémon, can you solve my problems. I guess not anymore. Seeing every episode answered no questions.
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